Bazzinga!!!
When you think I'm not looking I surprise you once more... I have a third eye on the back of my head
Show your claws when your heart is attacked
Sunday, July 21, 2013
The Universe in a Mirror
Being a science major changed my perspective of life and the stuff around me in ways I didn't think possible. I still remember the day I realized the technicalities of a rainbow and the real meaning of colors. It was depressing but still fascinating, because, really, if you break everything down to elementary particles from one end to the other, there's only a limited number of entities (that we know of) that create us. And it's hard to believe that a very small difference in the microscopic world can have such a huge influence in the macroscopic one. We have the same atoms putting together our bodies but oh, the outcome it's so different for each of us. Yet, zooming out a bit, in between, there are repeating patterns that resemble to a daily human routine. Understanding how the activity of our cells are mirrored at macroscale is simply mind-blowing. Wrapping my mind around such concepts was a wonderful process and made me look at things with other eyes.
"You are the Universe, expressing itself as a human for a little while" said once Eckhart Tolle. Such a beautiful way to encompass the cycle of life as well as our role in it.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Ignorance is a bliss
Well, I definitely take my wish back and promise not a be an ungrateful brat ever again, so just make the rain stop. Pretty please? It's horrible. I love rain, but in small quantities and with a rainbow after. I love the mysticism of the dark clouds, the sad quotes of crying in the rain and all the nostalgic feelings that it brings along. I love all that, but a week with nonstop raining has nothing of that! I'm not a person that panics very fast, contrary to popular belief, and usually I'm the type that goes "it cannot happen to me", even after some tragic events that happened in my life, I still keep that naive overview of my future. 'Thing is, bad stuff does happen to people, whether they think of it as a possibility or not, and right now I sort of start to panic. It's still in low doses but the more I read about the floods that happened here in 2002, the more my blood pressure rises and my brain flashes all sort of possible events behind my eyes. Two hours ago I wasn't aware of the seriousness of the matter, I was actually laughing at my friend that has to come from Poland back tonight. Also to my mom, that has heard the news, I told her not to worry. But then I realized I was the one in the dark all along because I don't have a TV and I don't know German so I don't follow the German news... and it all sucks ass.
The sound of rain pouring down the roads is literally the most prominent sound out there and it's supposed to be summer (it's June for Pete's sake), but I'm wearing my winter boots and the seasons seem so fucked up, it's surreal.
I might be going to the river side later on, to check the level of the water, because tonight I have to cross the bridge and go to the train station to pick up my friend.
I cross my fingers and hope the city won't be flooded again like in 2002...
Thursday, May 9, 2013
waiting for the tears of the sky
.... sorta'....
So, I'm a happy-go-lucky puppy again (at least for the time being) and just because I like to fuck with my mind I decided to reread my posts over here. They simply ooze of depression and similar to an AA member I should stay like thousands of miles away from the staff that would potentially make me fall back into the pits of darkness, I should run and hide at the end of the world. Or so they say. Because me, being me, and I am a notorious masochist, here I am doing exactly what I shouldn't do.
But from time to time I become curious over certain things, one of them being: how in the world do I get statistics feeds when I don't publicly advertize my blog, nor any of my surrounding peers know of its existence. A second reason would be that I like revisiting the memories I put down on "paper" as sad as some of them might be because they were/are part of me. I sometimes imagine myself reading them to my grandkids and telling them that taking trips down the lane aren't as fun as emo impersonators make them out to be. I want to be a cool grandma' and all that shit. Or maybe just and overly spoiling aunt, whatever the future has in store for me.
Today the weather forecast said something about a thunder-storm. I'm still waiting on that but seeing the sun brightly shining its way into dusk I hardly think it possible anymore. Yesterday was a similar story. But I like rain and it always makes me happy to watch it from my windowpane, dreamy expression on my face and all the package. At least then I have the best excuse to listen to wrist-cutting songs and sulk into oblivion bribing my muse in the process. Well, it works most of the times, so why not exploit it?
Oh, but the songs already started and I enjoy every bit of them. If only my muse would be so easily tricked, I could actually write my first story in a looooong while. Too bad it won't happen today. Well, I'm off to read some more fanfiction and whatnot (I know I should be studying, but psst!! don't tell anyone, ok?)
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Walking on Letters: Autumn Giveaway
Friday, October 26, 2012
.ring the bells and break my heart
I find it difficult to write, even though I wish to do so every day. But somehow that’s ok because I’ve been smiling more and more these days; never guilt-free or entirely genuine but simply smiling. I have reasons to be happy, and I have reasons to enjoy myself. I’ve told my family that I’m in the right place right now, that I’m taking part in actively living again and they are glad. I’m happy to relive them of the worry for me, and I’m also happy because I’m able to be honest with them about my wellbeing. I can take a breath of fresh air now.
Dresden is a lovely city and its colors in the fall wrap around my heart and soul in a warm way – I’ve missed that, the fallen leaves, the yellow trees, the velvet blanket on the pathways… Even the icy-fresh air that foretells about the winter that has yet to come, it makes me dream and gives me unearthly emotions, my body covered in goosebumps. Across the street I have a church, or at least what’s left of it in the aftermath of the war. Every time it rings its bells, my mind can only think of one thing: WHY.
My window is open right now, the silent reverberation of the bells penetrate through it and intertwine with the sound of the tires collapsing with the pavement… the sound is so sad! and lonely…
I felt happy today, I came smiling all the way back from school while my mind created a joyful story to be written. I had a huge grin on my face and I’m sure people found me strange, wrapped in my own world… “Pen meet paper” I was going to say as soon as I entered the privacy of my apartment, but in the end I could not do it as I feel still unable to fully catch onto the feeling of unrestricted joy of life.
I’m trying, I’m in the process of healing…
you will always be in my heart, dear cousin, I’m sorry I didn’t show it to you more often…