The Universe in a Mirror

It's funny how my mind wanders so much during exam period. But then again, I guess, that's just my way to cope with the stress of it all. More often than not I get into philosophical debates with my inner self, everything starting from the small revelations that line up in front of me.

Being a science major changed my perspective of life and the stuff around me in ways I didn't think possible. I still remember the day I realized the technicalities of a rainbow and the real meaning of colors. It was depressing but still fascinating, because, really, if you break everything down to elementary particles from one end to the other, there's only a limited number of entities (that we know of) that create us. And it's hard to believe that a very small difference in the microscopic world can have such a huge influence in the macroscopic one. We have the same atoms putting together our bodies but oh, the outcome it's so different for each of us. Yet, zooming out a bit, in between, there are repeating patterns that resemble to a daily human routine. Understanding how the activity of our cells are mirrored at macroscale is simply mind-blowing. Wrapping my mind around such concepts was a wonderful process and made me look at things with other eyes.

"You are the Universe, expressing itself as a human for a little while" said once Eckhart Tolle. Such a beautiful way to encompass the cycle of life as well as our role in it.

 

Ignorance is a bliss

Remember when your mothers used to say "Be careful what you wish for, 'cuz you might get it"? They forgot to add "Read between the line, you little fuckers", otherwise it's all gonna come back to bite you in the ass.

Well, I definitely take my wish back and promise not a be an ungrateful brat ever again, so just make the rain stop. Pretty please? It's horrible. I love rain, but in small quantities and with a rainbow after. I love the mysticism of the dark clouds, the sad quotes of crying in the rain and all the nostalgic feelings that it brings along. I love all that, but a week with nonstop raining has nothing of that! I'm not a person that panics very fast, contrary to popular belief, and usually I'm the type that goes "it cannot happen to me", even after some tragic events that happened in my life, I still keep that naive overview of my future. 'Thing is, bad stuff does happen to people, whether they think of it as a possibility or not, and right now I sort of start to panic. It's still in low doses but the more I read about the floods that happened here in 2002, the more my blood pressure rises and my brain flashes all sort of possible events behind my eyes. Two hours ago I wasn't aware of the seriousness of the matter, I was actually laughing at my friend that has to come from Poland back tonight. Also to my mom, that has heard the news, I told her not to worry. But then I realized I was the one in the dark all along because I don't have a TV and I don't know German so I don't follow the German news... and it all sucks ass.

The sound of rain pouring down the roads is literally the most prominent sound out there and it's supposed to be summer (it's June for Pete's sake), but I'm wearing my winter boots and the seasons seem so fucked up, it's surreal.

I might be going to the river side later on, to check the level of the water, because tonight I have to cross the bridge and go to the train station to pick up my friend.

I cross my fingers and hope the city won't be flooded again like in 2002...

waiting for the tears of the sky

So... I'm back!
.... sorta'....

So, I'm a happy-go-lucky puppy again (at least for the time being) and just because I like to fuck with my mind I decided to reread my posts over here. They simply ooze of depression and similar to an AA member I should stay like thousands of miles away from the staff that would potentially make me fall back into the pits of darkness, I should run and hide at the end of the world. Or so they say. Because me, being me, and I am a notorious masochist, here I am doing exactly what I shouldn't do.

But from time to time I become curious over certain things, one of them being: how in the world do I get statistics feeds when I don't publicly advertize my blog, nor any of my surrounding peers know of its existence. A second reason would be that I like revisiting the memories I put down on "paper" as sad as some of them might be because they were/are part of me. I sometimes imagine myself reading them to my grandkids and telling them that taking trips down the lane aren't as fun as emo impersonators make them out to be. I want to be a cool grandma' and all that shit. Or maybe just and overly spoiling aunt, whatever the future has in store for me.

Today the weather forecast said something about a thunder-storm. I'm still waiting on that but seeing the sun brightly shining its way into dusk I hardly think it possible anymore. Yesterday was a similar story. But I like rain and it always makes me happy to watch it from my windowpane, dreamy expression on my face and all the package. At least then I have the best excuse to listen to wrist-cutting songs and sulk into oblivion bribing my muse in the process. Well, it works most of the times, so why not exploit it?

Oh, but the songs already started and I enjoy every bit of them. If only my muse would be so easily tricked, I could actually write my first story in a looooong while. Too bad it won't happen today. Well, I'm off to read some more fanfiction and whatnot (I know I should be studying, but psst!! don't tell anyone, ok?)